forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
