The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
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yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
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So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.