Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
i believe in u and ur pee
The adults are the big ones right?