i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
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last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
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can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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