what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
