One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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