you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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