margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
