My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
