cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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