Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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