don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
