I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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