Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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