my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
