i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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