sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
