i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
two words...techno handjob
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
