Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
