You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
