My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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