my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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