my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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