I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Your tits are I can't wait for
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
