I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
