pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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