If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
