Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I have fence marks all over my body
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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