Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
