i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
