i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
