If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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