this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
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just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
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So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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