Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
