sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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