i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
