at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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