you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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