I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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