So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
