He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
