It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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