Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Randomize
