we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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