i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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