You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
