Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
This house was built for laser tag.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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