I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
