This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
