im having a threesome with these popsicles
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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