I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
