I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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