I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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