You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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