wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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