Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
