I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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