looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
So much rum. So many feels.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
