Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I need moral support for this bender
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
