My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
