The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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