I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
