Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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