he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
