I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
