Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
