i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
