i barfeds in our rink
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
