Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
