I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
