he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
