It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
